I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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