Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
