it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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