obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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