i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
