Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
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I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
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You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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