I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
