She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
