I am spending my child support on dildos
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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