He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
