Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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