WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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