You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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