did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
false alarm. still invincible.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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