ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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