Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
