Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Randomize
