its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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