Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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