Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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