So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Randomize
