i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
that may or may not have been my penis.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
