I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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