i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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