im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
