I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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