I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
