ya dads aren't the best wingmen
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
