At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
