I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
