I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
