i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
