I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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