we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
