Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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