She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
