pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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