just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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