idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
