The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
