I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
