They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
