Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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