If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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