i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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