piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
