We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
