I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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