so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
