The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
