I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
