The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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