Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
