ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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