this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
