ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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