Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
