I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
