I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
