I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
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