I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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