I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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