Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
