It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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