Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
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