i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
3pm strippers are depressing
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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