I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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